There was a time when I crossed my heart and I Hoped to die. I would look people straight in the eye and lie, Leaving them wondering why. The mask that I had worn, Looking at it now , it looks so torn. I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I was tired of waking up not wanting to live, So to numb the pain, I cut my wrists. Every night I would close my eyes and make a wish, Hoping that I wouldn’t have to exist. One day it became too much to bare. I felt like no one cared, I thought of the past and how much I feared, I began to shed multiple tears. After I took the pills I want to sleep.I thought I was living in one big nightmare. I realized that I just wanted to end the pain, What was there to gain? Even now it’s hard to explain. I stayed up all night trying to sleep. My chest was burning, I didn’t die so I guess you can say, I failed I cried for hours so I took the rope tied it to the shower pole and stepped of the edge of the bath tube. I smiled not being able to breath, my neck was burning and throbbing. After I passed out the rope untied I woke up on that bathroom floor, I broke down so I waited for months before I tried again, this time I tied the rope, grubbed the full bottles of pills, took that knife to my wrist and pressing till my skin divided I put that rope around my neck and stepped off the edge of the tube once again. Thinking and hoping my life was going to end. I woke up with my uncle cleaning my wrists promising he wouldn’t tell. I know he wouldn’t because I cleaned his wrists when he failed and promised now to fail..now I just sit on the building looking down waited for the gravity to pull me down. I reached that point of sadness that I don’t want to be happy. I fell in love with my sadness. It always come natural to me to feel nothing. I almost have no fear in my heart. I don’t believe I have a heart. I don’t a want a beat heart.. I don’t want to breath..